Pinoy Pick-Up Basket Baller Types
September 4, 2007 by Benjie Cruz
Thru Basketbawful, I saw the video, “11 guys you meet in pick-up games”. Video below. The list includes the Bad Gear Dude; my favorite, Never Fouls Guy; and the Mr. Excuses Guy.
Basketbawful brought up some other types not included by the film like, The All-Day Dribbler, Hot Potato Passer Guy and more. But after seeing the film and reading the post, I know, Pinoys got our own brand of ballers. Profiling some belowâ€¦
Now enter Pinoy Pick-up Ballers:
The Tap That Fuckin Backboard Guy
This baller feels he plays above the rim when in fact, they play above the bottom part of the board. He does tap-board, left and right, doing a lay-up. Simplified, this could be the version of the dunk here in the Philippines. Boybits Victoria is the ultimate king of backboard taps.
The Jaworski Disciple
This type, he’ll guard you like crazy. Even if you don’t have the ball, he’ll stick to you end to end. He will hound you from point A to point B. Expect a whole lot of karate chops as well.
You know, during shoot-arounds, the little and wimpy dude who can’t get the ball, he’d ask for a chance to shoot saying, “pa-isa pa-isa”. Once you got the ball, he’ll beg for a free shot. Loser! (A handy reply if and when he says “pa-isa pa-isa”, turn your back, bend a little, stick out your butt and say, “ok, now I am ready”)
The Cobra Kid
This player is bloody awful. He’s the guy who spit like he’s stoned. He’ll spit everywhere on court. Once the ball hits that spot, expect a stickier grip of the ball.
The Slimey Baller
Slippery when wet, this player is the hardest to defend. He wears no jersey or upper wear and he perspires like he’s playing in hell. The sweat turns into a lubricant that makes them practically unguardable. Expect your shirt/jersey to smell something differently after the pick-up game.
Players who come in the court wearing nothing but slip-ons, specifically, “Spartan” brand. Then, the Spartan player will kick your ass despite him wearing only a pair of lowly slippers. Shame on you for wearing that Air Jordans or Wade’s Converse kicks.
The I Am Here For A Fight Guy
He enters the court for one reason alone. That is, he’ll make sure he messes the game and prove he owns that particular street court. He’ll heat up the game, push people around, engage in call arguments and hope that all hell breaks loose. Normally, this guy comes into court around 4pm, after taking a bummer siesta and just had a bad dream and he found no merienda at home.
Shooters are rare in pick up games, but if you happen to play against these types, they are a pain in the neck. They’d shoot from all-over the court.
The Playing Commentator/Analyst
Sort of a trash-talkers but this guy is one level higher. While playing, he keeps on talking and analysing the game all throughout. Twin player of the Playing Commentator is the Playing Coach Player.
Believe me, this guy exists. You know, when there are only 5 players on court, and you another soul to complete a 3-on-3 set, this guy would swing back and forth in the area, waiting to be called to complete the rosters. Then, in the middle of the game, he’ll quit the game saying he has something to do at home. More often than not, he’ll just jerk-off at home.
This is the court kingpin. Usually, this guy used to play pro hoops, paid to play in inter-barangays and inter-town meets but is now aging. Usually, late 30s and early 40s, he has something to prove and he can still play over regular guys like, um, me and you.
The MJ Guy
This player demands the ball like he is well, Michael Jordan. Expect no return pass once he gets it. This type is A.K.A., “Kid Kobe.”
The Bill Russel Clone
I met a couple of these types. This is the player who owns the paint and that has a knack for blocking all types of shots. All sorts of twists and turns and contortions, left and right handed shots, have no effect. He’ll send back the ball straight back to your throat.
The Construction Worker Groupie
These are the guys, who, after a day of doing masonry, doing concrete works, digging earth, etc., they go around the bend and start a three-on-three inside village courts. Beware, coz they know nothing but shoot the ball inside that metallic circle thing. They know no rules and they follow no rules. Beware! And if they happen to win the game, expect them to quench their thirst by not buying Gatorade but by buying Ginebra “Lapad”. Distant relative of this group, is the Squatters Pack.
Boys Don’t Pay
After getting beat in a 3-6-9 game or a race 16 point-game, they ignore the bet/wager. Be it 1.5 liter Coca Cola soda, Lusot-Talo, Covered Court Fee, Ice Tubig or 30 freaking pesos, they go straight home and don’t pay.
The PBA/NBA Player Imitator
You know, the guy who, in every shot he does, he mentions a player. Like, while going for long shot, he’d say… “Bbbbiiiiiiird!” When doing the cross-over, he’d say “Iveerssssooooon.” A power rebound and he’d say “Ammmmmareeeey!” Doing a tear drop shot, he’ll say…”THE SPPAAAAAAAAAAAARRRK!”
Please add up below if you know other baller types.